i dont think i can say much in here anyways because probably what i would say would be read by who i am talking about or whatever.
but my voice is bleeding.
i drove to tylers and back singing at the top of my lungs and now my voice is shot.
the other day i took a depression test at longs on the touch screen and it printed out my results. it says "you may have depression" my parents thought it was funny.
i didnt think it was that funny.

i care too much about what other people think of me. its so hard not to. i paint on a smile for almost every single person i know. if someone were to see how i was really feeling they would ask the routine questions i am sick of. i dont need your pity, you dont need something less than perfect in your life obviously.
and by rarely ever saying what i am actually going through, i explode.
most the time it comes out on my family. i pretty much treat my parents like shit.
i am definitely not good at controlling and releasing emotions in a healthy way.

stop giving me fake responses to what i say. i can totally tell when you dont know what you are talking about.

i dont think i am eating right or sleeping right. when i have nothing to do all day, sort of like today, i sleep wayyyy too long. i finally got out of bed today at like 1:30. thats rediculous. and i have like one meal a day that my parents feed me. if they werent there to shove food at me i probably wouldnt eat it.

at least the urge to drive head first into oncoming traffic has subsided a bit.

every chance i get to do something new i try and take it. i want to live and not just exist.